Tag Archives: Shopping

4-Turtles are nocturnal

17 Feb

So i thought id put a few words down as like a 70’s TV star i’ve been keeping very quiet!

Went shopping today with the new treacle to show her i am a modern man and that i will happily walk behind her like louie walsh does to simon cowell and carry his bag, i mean her bags. You walk into the 1,000,000 shop to look at clothes,shoes,shit and god knows what else, and you are greeted by what looks like a scene out of saving private ryan. Men are littered all over the shop leaning on clothes racks fully loaded with dorothy perkins shopping bags with that look on their face of “if i can get to B&Q i can buy some rope and end this misery”. These places need sofas in the shop, that way men will have somewhere to congregate to discuss the finer points of why england football shanked another big tournament. Why wayne rooney is clearly past his best in a football shirt and should just go back to working in greggs instead of eating the place! 

Failing that, a fully stocked bar in which men can be happily stood with a cold one, knowing their treacle is happily shopping surrounded by her own kind. She is then under no rush to find what she wants. She can chill try on as many pairs of heels, flats, shoes, pumps as she wants leaving her man to have as many beers which are accompanied by vast bowls of nuts, In the time it takes her to try on that Black top you’ve seen in 4 OTHER SHOPS!!
As you walk around these shops you see these men that have taken the day to spend walking around and being loaded up with bags like spanish donkeys. This is all part of a unwritten rule that man knows is going to happen when he gets his treacle home and what she is going to give him, the thank you blow job. You nod knowingly towards the other men, whilst staying silent, giving a little grin in their direction of the mutual appreciation of them giving up their time to earn this late afternoon delight. Whilst this is happening you are in constant fear of being that bloke on the receiving end of your treacle hollering from the other side of primark…
“ere babe, does this go with my red jeans at home and be honest”….
“yeah it looks really good that babe, brings out the natural color in your eyes………. ** under the breath** “fucking shut up!! 

I can be found at @notmartinclunes on all forms of social media, of me being and saying stuff by me…. so from me… bye!