Tag Archives: isis

5- Hamsters don’t have cheeks

17 Feb

Bonjour fellow humans, you have come back to be enlightened by the thoughts that fly around my head! The very first and new blog of 2017. Let me know what you think, so sit back or down and enjoy. 
So what turns out to be a shite week, my fucking bank card was cloned and used in Abu Dhabi to the sum of 175 pounds. I brought my usual morning paper, kit Kat and flat white, which I had to put the massive sum of £3.60 on my debit card. Little did I know only a few hours later I would be taking a phone call from Barclays asking me if I was in Abu Dhabi and could I confirm I’ve spent 175 English pounds in a shop. You can imagine my glee and joyful response back to the bank when I replied….

“no mate, I’m in Woking on an industrial estate eating a bacon and egg roll”
“Ahh, well sir we’ve cancelled your bank card for you, to stop this from happening again”
Brilliant end to the week I thought, as I’ve just funded a fucking IED packed skoda into the Middle East!! 
Can see Isis now, holding their very own comic relief type style telly programme asking for donations and showing short videos of English people going about their early morning commute. 
“Here we see Mr Parker and his work colleagues taking in their morning meeting. For just a £3 pound donation, we can end this suffering and misery for Mr Parker.”
It’d cut later in the programme to the host, Mr Isis Lenny Henry giving a mid show totaliser up on the jumbotron. 
“We’ve had some amazing donations in the last hour, especially from a Mr Slater in Oxfordshire who has funded this mortar and hand written message on the side, to be aimed at the American military over on that hill, a thousand thank you Mr Slater”

Anyway, swiftly moving on as quick as the winner from the voice does and to keep you wanting more I’ll post up another one very soon which may contain dittys such as “Nothing can set you up for being turned down by a fat bird”, “Facebook status raping has changed since I was a kid” and that all important topic “Darts in the kitchen as a kid and the double folded towel”

Im over on twitter @notmartinclunes, come join me for gentle joshing. 😘